In front of death...

So there I stood… in front of death and the realization that the Lord would not intervene.  My dreams had vanished as my feelings died within me.  How was I to continue on? I sat in despair, filled of sackcloth and ashes, for there was no hope.

I could not see pass my grief.  There was no one to blame.  No clarity about how it happened, only the reality that this was now my life.  I wanted to run.  I longed to leave and be with my Lord.  However, I knew that was selfish of me.  I had to continue on.  The Lord still had a plan.  Deeds to perform; people to meet; dreams to fulfill. 

I began taking small steps while looking for reasons to move forward.  Those around me dedicated themselves to leading me back to what was true and real (Philippians 4:8).  My Lord was silent, however his presence surrounded me.  He equipped me with persistence to continue on, clarity to make decisions, courage to walk into the unknown and the ability to smile.  Changes were inevitable.  Driven and with new gusto I continued forward, however I was still not able to stop myself from looking back.  Remembering my loss dreams, longing for the feelings that now lay dead, wondering why I was allowed to live in such a disastrous path. 

I am praying for answers, I may not get any.  I am praying for understanding, all I hear is trust.  Miraculously he has decided to answer by reviving hope (Psalm 39:7)…and in Him, my hope I stand…