I stood
on the mountain top gazing as my Jerusalem lay fallen. I thought of the years of nurturing and cultivating
what I considered precious. Everything I
held so dear now stood in ashes. The
warnings were not heeded. They had
fallen on deaf ears. The walls were destroyed and all was taken to
captivity. I saw the fear and hurt in my
children’s eyes for all that remained was ashes. The enemy stood powerful, gloating, with a
smile as he thoroughly destroyed all I had valued (John 10:10).
It was
too much to bear. I stood in shock and
unable to carry the burden (Psalm 18:19).
However, by grace, I continue in numbness, trying to survive the ruins
(Psalm 54:4). During the days, I kept
busy with daily chores and responsibilities.
I was trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. At night, I escaped into a different
world. This world gave me the ability to
grieve openly and be comforted.
The days
were a routine of responsibility and escapism.
My Lord was always there, helping me carry my burdens (Psalm 68:19). I guess He allowed the escapism as a way to
cope. He knew I was not ready, to face the
reality of my devastation. He is a God
of grace, who with great compassion met me where I was (Psalm 145:8). Eventually, He intervened for I was now
falling into a pit where escapism wanted to overcome reality. I remember being literally raised from the
abyss and placed on solid ground (Psalm 40:2).
Solid
ground now meant facing my devastation.
Somehow I seemed stronger and able to cope with the reality of my
catastrophe. I acknowledge that I was in
need of new skills. Thus began my search
for methods to cope with my newly found journey.
The days
are full of new enterprises. Writing has
become an essential way of expression.
Between activities, I meditate on Him and his word. He has opened new opportunities, and allowed
new friends. However, it is still
necessary for me to review the memories of my Jerusalem as I heal. I guess He does not want me to forget, for
once in a while on my journey, I meet someone who is now facing their fallen
Jerusalem.
Copyright September 2014
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