I remember my prayers. They were for forgiveness. They begged for deliverance. They craved the exile. A place where there were no memories. A place where it did not hurt to breathe. Freedom from recollection. When my answer came, I exhale relief. I praised my Lord for comprehending my sorrow & bringing consolation.
I dove into the new with great enthusiasm. It was challenging. It was fun. We did not think of sorrow. However, it followed us. When we finally became aware of it, it was accompanied by loss. We grieved our efforts. The years of hardship we have endured in order to achieve and were slowly loosing. In a matter of months all was gone. We were left inconsolable.
At first, I was too busy grieving. Then I began pleading and bargaining with the Lord. I wanted to be removed from this place. If I had known sorrow in the past, it was nothing compare to this. I appealed, I begged, eventually I stopped. Not really understanding why. I was too busy enduring my sorrow.
Months have passed. Throughout this time, my prayers have continued to be of deliverance, of rescue, of salvation. I’ve yet to find my way. When I think of the loss, I wonder why I am still here. Nothing has really changed. Except that lately, I have been reading about Joseph.
I identify with his struggle. The loneliness. Being where you do not want to be. Wondering why to so much injustice. There must be a purpose. In my life, it might not be something as magnificent as what God did through Joseph. However, I’ve began to believe that everyone will know that this was done by my God. So I am choosing to live by Genesis 50:20b God meant it for good, in order to bring about this present result (which was) to preserve many people alive. I do not know what my present result will be but I am praying & enduring. Accepting his plan...Accepting his ways...Believing his word...One day I will share what He did!!! And you will praise him too!!!
Copyright 06/2011
No comments:
Post a Comment